my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
