she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
