Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
