My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
