Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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