drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
