Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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