How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
