I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
