so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
