I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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