Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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