Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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