do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
