I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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