how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize