My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
