i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
