Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When are your genitals available?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
