i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
