Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
