'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
