Apparently you make a good broom.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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