Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
