I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
smell my finger.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize