made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
