JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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