hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
