I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
