It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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