the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
