I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
