I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
