I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize