dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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