My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
