Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
