I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
