batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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