I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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