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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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