Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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