Me too!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
