but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
