So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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