just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
