So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
