I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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