I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
