I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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