Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
