Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
