i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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