i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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