are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
