Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You pole danced in your parka.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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