Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize