Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
