he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
