I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
