I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
even my farts smell like vagina
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
