i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
