you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
