I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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