with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
