i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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