Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
