Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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