Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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