i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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