he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
